Rants of a Marketing and PR Guru

If Abbott and Costello were alive today...

Mon, 16 May 2005 20:05:54 GMT

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".......

Marble Blast Gold now on Xbox

Thu, 05 May 2005 23:28:58 GMT

Finally, just this afternoon, Marble Blast Gold Xbox was available for Xbox players through Live Arcade. The cool thing is that the Live Arcade High Score tables make Marble Blast Gold that much more competitive. This was a long time company and very satisfying that a Torque game is finally out on Xbox.

I am a dangerous man

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 17:27:01 GMT

I am a dangerous man. At least that's what the harsh looking woman said to me at 4:30 in the morning. While simply trying to pass through security at our small home-town airport, I was bruskly moved to the side because I am a dangerous man.

"Do you have anything in here that will hurt me," barked the crotchety old woman?

I immeadiately thought about saying some smart and whitty comment but then quickly realized that it was still 4:30 in the morning and I had yet to partake of my daily infusion of caffeine and my brain in response drew a blank, "No..."

"I will find it! Ohh... Trust me, I will find it!" responded the focused security guard in an almost trance-like state. As she proceeded to root out my choice weapon of mass destruction. I attempted to keep my eyes open and was steadily loosing the battle when a piercing voice shrieked, "I GOT IT!!!"

My eyes popped open, more curios than anything, as to what diabolical weapon had tagged me as a dangerous man. There before me lay the captured weapon that, from the look on the guards face, only dangerous and bad men obviously carry. That's right, I had become one of those bad men that mommies tell their children to stay away from. I was a caught man forced to surrender my great weapon of power. I was forced to surrender my nose hair clippers. I am a dangerous man.

Hey... now I can post on my blog from my PSP

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 00:09:41 GMT

Ok... talk about going as techy as I can... but now because of email posting, I can post to my live journal account from my new PSP.

Googlewhacking

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 02:20:49 GMT

I came across someone that has WAY too much time on their hands. His name is Gary Stock and he is the person behind this Googlewhacking phenomenon. So what in the world is a GoogleWhack? A googlewhack is accomplished with one goal: find that elusive query (two words - no quote marks) with a single, solitary result!

For example: Searching the two words: thermonuclear sulfhemoglobinemia in a google search return just ONE result.

The crazy thing is that there is an entire website devoted to Googlewhacking.

Like I said, WAY too much time on their hands.

So you're 12 years old - DELETED

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 17:31:39 GMT

I once heard someone say that people would get along a lot better in this world if it wasn't for one problem... other people. That's right, I now believe that there should be some type of a Social Interaction Test (SIT) that all people must pass before they are allowed to interact with other people. There just seems to be a growing population of people who don't understand how to relate or behave when around others. Case in point:

We have a very large game development community at GG. People from around the world and from many different backgrounds all gather on the GG forums to discuss game development topics. We have many industry veterans, lots of dedicated hobbyists, and a few people who have continually failed the Social Interaction Test (SIT). Last night we had to deal with one of these SIT rejects and as I was going through his posts and cleaning them up, editing them, and finally deleting them.... I came across a huge "ah ha" moment. Life would be so much easier if we could just delete SIT rejects.

For example:
1. Question: Ahhhhh... what should I use for making my game Milkshape3D or Torque Shader Engine?
Answer: Hmmm... one is a game engine and one is a modeling program.
Action: DELETED

2. Question: Ahhh.... I wanna be professional and don't want to follow the instructions of the EULA (End User License Agreement) that I didn't want to read before I bought the engine, even though it told me that I had to agree to the EULA before I bought the engine and now I'm gonna whine on a bunch of different forums.....
Answer and Action in one swift motion: DELETED

3. Question: WHAT...you're charging me $35 for a product that is worth over a $1000.... you're ripping me off....you're the man and you're trying to keep me down.
No Answer, but just an Action: DELETED

4. Hi I'm (insert name)...
DELETED

See, life would be so much easier without SIT rejects. So my proposal would be to send all SIT rejects back to remedial "how to live in this world" classes and they would not be let loose on the world again until they passed SIT.

Google Maps

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 23:49:29 GMT

googlemaps
Originally uploaded by ggbenb.

Just in case you were wondering, the little red arrow points to the apartment where Cara and I live. Google always seems to be coming out with really cool stuff. Not only do they have a great map search built, that also gives better directions than MapQuest (I think), but with a click of a button you can go from looking at a simple map drawing to actually seeing a satellite photo of the area you're looking at. It's just wild. Google really understands what it is to do cool stuff.

The Sony PSP

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 08:48:26 GMT

OK, so it's now almost 2:00am in the morning. I've been wrapping up an installation, configuration and re-skinning of a new Mambo server (CMS). But my mind has actually been distracted with my new PSP. My free time has been taken over with playing Lumines and Wipeout Pure. Absolutely brilliant piece of engineering and technology. Sony hit a homerun with this one.

Ever have one of those days...

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 22:50:33 GMT

Have you ever had one of those days where you looked up at several of your white boards in your office and stared at them. You begin to wonder, how in the world had these white boards filled up with things to do and project objectives when just the other day you had cleaned them all off?

Today is one of those days.